Talent show champs!

It seems like forever since I've been able to jot anything down here. We've had everything from Noah's and Gabriel's performance in Oliver! (I didn't direct this one; in fact, I was distinctly hands-off until the last week when I chipped in where I could), I just started a new leadership program (it's the beginning of another Master's program if I want it to be; we'll see how much the state is willing to pay for), and I'm completely buried at work. Suffice to say, my personal writing has been on hold.

However, I have to relate the kids' Talent Show experience from last night. Every year, Gabriel's school holds a talent show and, being an elementary school, it's usually pretty cute. Painful at times when magic shows and card tricks go awry, but you can never see too many first-graders tap dancing. No, really, I mean that.

This year, they invited siblings and other young members of the community to join in, though, and, of course, Gabriel's brothers couldn't be left out of the action. OK, well Stormy tried to be left out of the action because he's 13 and is utterly embarrassed by EVERYTHING, but he was ultimately drafted by Gabriel's Kindergarten teacher, who is remarkably persuasive.

Colby and I wrote a skit in which Colby played an angel, our neighbor played the devil, and both argued over Gabriel's immortal soul. Well, not his immortal soul, exactly; the devil tried to get him to steal a hamburger, but it was still pretty cute. Here's the script:

The Decision

The scene: Gabriel is sitting at a table eating lunch by himself. An angel and the devil walk in from opposite sides with trays of food and ask to sit with him. Gabriel politely answers yes and the scene unfolds.

Devil: Care if I join you?

Gabriel: Sure...go ahead.

Angel: Can I sit here?

Gabriel: Yeah, fine.

Devil (to Gabriel): So you done anything fun lately?

Gabriel: I played Animal Crossing...

Devil: No, I mean really fun...like mean fun...

Angel: Would you leave him alone? He's just a little kid.

Devil: Gotta start 'em young, I say...So how 'bout it, Gabriel? I know you must have done something naughty, right? Maybe told a little lie to your parents? Cheated on a test? Maybe grabbed an extra snack?

Gabriel: No I have never done any of those things

Angel: Of course he hasn't! His name is Gabriel, after all!

Devil: Ahh come one just one little lie...or something you might have done in Animal Crossing. That is a pretty great game. I bet I could find lots of ways to be naughty there.

Gabriel: Well...

Angel: Nothing...really...nothing at all...

Devil: Yes, what did you do Gabriel

Gabriel: Well, I pushed Mott around in animal crossing.

Angel: Well, that's not so bad, right? It's just a game... (looking nervous)

Devil: Well, it certainly doesn't sound very angelic. If he can push around a lion in a game, I bet he could do something naughty right here.

Angel: Come on now...Animal Crossing is rated E for everyone, although online interactions are not rated.

Devil: I'll tell you what, Gabe...how about you take the cheese off that cheeseburger there, and go tell the lunch lady that you should get the burger for free? It was missing the cheese, after all...

Angel: (looking horrified) That would lying! Gabriel, just eat your cheeseburger. It's tasty, isn't it? And it's a balanced, nutritious meal prepared by your hard-working lunch ladies!

Devil: Ahh, come on...he's already headed down a slippery slope in Animal Crossing...the least he should do is get a free burger!

(Gabriel looks back and forth as they talk, as if he is watching a tennis match)

Gabriel: Don't worry, don't worry...I'm a pure meat-eater! (he takes a big bite)

Angel: Don't you mean a peer mediator? You mean you can help us resolve our problems?

Gabriel: No, I mean I'm a pure meat eater! I'm eating pure meat!

Angel and Devil get up and walk away together, arguing about the best way to corrupt small children...voices fade as they walk away, leaving their trays behind them.

Gabriel, looking around sneakily, grabs the burgers off both the angel's and devil's tray, and puts them on his own. He gives a great big smile as he takes a big bite of one of his 3 burgers now.

Gabriel (leaping up with a flourish): Now that's how you get a free hamburger!

It was pretty impressive, actually. Gabriel's timing was impeccable (for a six-year old) and Colby may have finally found his voice.

Not to be outdone, Noah joined a bunch of teachers, moms, and, ultimately, all 3 of his brothers, for a Zoomba dancing performance. Zoomba is not so easy to explain, but it's the latest quasi-aerobic dancing exercise craze to sweep the nation (or at least the middle of nowhere New England). Although Colby danced pretty hard, Gabriel was just cute because six-year olds doing Zoomba are inherently cute, and Stormy was worth a chuckle with his stony face, Noah let it all hang out. Even if his chemistry grade keeps him out of Harvard, the boy has a future in Zoomba.

Of course, none of them was crowned Talent Show Champion because that level of competition isn't politically correct. However, between the skit and Zoomba, I think they pretty well swept the show.

My kid gave me ringworm

It was the little guy. He seems remarkably sweet and innocent. I could see Stormy giving me ringworm...He's not too big on the whole personal hygiene thing, but Gabriel likes to be spotless. It all started with a little rash that looked innocuous enough. Probably just a bit of dermatitis or eczema, I thought. Then it started to spread.

For those of you with multiple kids, you'll know that the more kids you have, the more cavalier you tend to become with illnesses. By kid number four, there's very little you haven't seen. You've been barfed on, teeth have been lost, dog food has been consumed in vast quantities (but not by the dog), falls have been survived from higher and higher locations. You get the idea. My wife is fond of saying that your first kid is like your best china, your second kid is Corel Ware, your third is Chinette, and your fourth is a napkin held as you eat over the kitchen sink.

The point being that we didn't exactly rush to the doctor when kid #4 got a rash. This isn't the sort of thing you get fussed about if it isn't accompanied by anaphylaxis. Once some hydrocortisone didn't take care of it, though, we decided to take him to the doctor.

She diagnosed him with ringworm. Really? Apparently, just one of the lesions had the ringlike structure of dead skin associated with ringworm, but the other bumps and such were ringworm, too. Did you know that ringworm is caused by the same fungus responsible for jock itch and athlete's foot? It's not actually caused by a worm. It's also highly contagious. That's fun, huh?

So a few days later when the back of my leg started to burn and itch, I was suspicious. Trying not to look like a dog chasing his tale, I tried to see what was on the back of my leg. As I spun around, I caught glimpses of a couple of red lesions, not unlike those on Gabriel's belly.

My kid had given me ringworm. There was a fungus amongus and it stinks. It didn't help when a friend of mine said, "Ringworm? He's got ringworm? That's the biggest pain in the ass. Make sure you put cream on it every day...it can take months to go away!"

Great. So now I've seen ringworm too. Noah was itching last night before bed. I have to wonder if it's just his mild case of hypochondria or if Gabriel infected him too. The little rugrat.